Who Will Give you the Kind of Stepmom Help you are Looking for?
- Christine Hurst
- Feb 28, 2022
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 13, 2022
There are so many different types of professionals and titles out there it can be overwhelming. As a licensed clinical therapist and an ACPI certified coach for parents and stepparents, my hope is to help you decide which might be the right fit for you. Let's start with some definitions.
Clinical Therapist: A clinical therapist is a counselor who identifies, analyzes, and treats emotional problems and mental illnesses. Among the various counseling, professions are social workers, pastoral therapists, licensed mental health counselors, and marriage and family therapists.
Coach: A person who provides training and guidance to help someone achieve a specific professional or personal goal.
Therapeutically Trained Certified Coach: A licensed therapist who uses their mental health education and experience in working with individuals, couples, and families to enrich the coaching process.
The origins of all three of these professions evolved to be what they are today through different paths but all with the common goal of helping others. The lines between the professions can be blurry, and internet searches can add more confusion to the whole process. And, of course, everyone has their own opinions on which is better and so on.
As a professional who is actively working as both a therapist and a stepmom coach, I am going to share with you my professional approach. Hopefully, this will help you to figure out what it is you are looking for in your search for stepmom help.
Regulations and Ethics
The fact of the matter is that coaching is unregulated. There is not an overseeing state board that verifies a coach's education and training like there is for therapists. Also, there aren't any set standards or rules that a coach needs to function within like there are for therapists.
This is changing, though, for coaches, and there are more and more programs training coaches, and some are more in-depth and better than others.
As a licensed therapist, I lean on my professional regulations and ethics to guide me as a stepmom coach. There are differences; for example, as a licensed therapist, I can't provide therapy in states outside of the state that I am licensed. This is not true for coaches.
Another difference is that as a licensed therapists, we are considered to be providers of medical services and therefore have to maintain the same level of confidentiality as hospitals and doctors. As a stepmom coach, I follow similar confidentiality and privacy standards but not to the same degree due to not providing medically related services.
What does this mean for you?
Searching for a professional is such a personal process. Similar to any profession, there can be good ones and bad ones. There can be some that you connect with and others you don't.
Ultimately, at minimum, I recommend understanding a professional’s background is important if you are looking for someone to be more than a confidant or mentor.
Theory & Modality
There are so many different theories & modalities of therapy, and I am not going to go into all of them here. However, there are some overlaps between all of them, and they include:
The common factors identified by Wampold (2001) and summarized by Laska, Gurman, & Wampold (2014, p. 469) include:
An environment conducive to healing in which therapy takes place
Therapy that provides a psychologically-derived and culturally anchored explanation for emotional distress
Adaptive explanations that are accepted by the client
Patients and their therapists engage in procedures and rituals that lead them to enact positive/helpful/adaptive behaviors.
Coaching also has various theories and modalities that are unique to their own training and focus. However, ultimately, they have similar goals in helping individuals to reach their goals by teaching skills, providing motivation, and providing accountability.
For many therapists, we also see ourselves as utilizing coaching techniques in our practice. However, many coaches don’t have the training a therapist has regarding understanding the deeper psychology to understand the why behind our choices, behaviors, and motivations.
The benefit of working with a stepmom coach who is a licensed therapist is that I can bring this deeper understanding to the coaching, and this adds a layer of depth to the process.
Often, I will use psycho-education in my coaching practice, and we may touch upon topics of a therapeutic nature to provide a framework for understanding, but we will not be delving into the therapeutic process.
What does this mean for you?
The dynamics of a stepfamily are unique. A therapist's training typically does not include stepfamily dynamics, and unless they have done their own learning, have a lot of experience working with those in stepfamilies, or have an understanding through their own lived experience, they may not have a good grasp of the nuances.
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A therapist will use their training and understanding of psychology to explore how you are being impacted emotionally in the stepfamily system and will work with you on figuring out how to cope with your feelings.
Most will also work with you on your goals and have a solution-focused approach as well. Often, it will be more heavily focused on your mental health.
A coach, on the other hand, becomes a coach with a specialization because they themselves have walked in the client's shoes. It is through their own life experiences and with training in a coaching program that they can help others.
Their focus is often on forwarding action. They will work with the emotional aspects as they understand them through their own lived experience. However, the focus is more solution-focused and less about emotional understanding.
As a therapeutically trained certified stepmom coach, I will combine the two. There will be a balance between understanding through my own lived experience and with my trained understanding of psychology. I will give time to emotional understanding while keeping the momentum moving forward with solution-focused strategies.
However, each professional, regardless of their training and life experience, will have their own unique style. What is most important is whether or not you feel safe, understood, and connected. If these are in place, then the rest can fall into place as you work collaboratively with the professional.
Access and Cost
Due to licensed therapists working within a medical model, they have the ability to diagnose and submit to health insurance. This may be seen as a benefit depending on your insurance and your comfort level with being given a diagnosis (such as depression, anxiety, etc.).
Coaches are cash-based only and cannot bill through health insurance because they are not considered to be a part of the medical community.
What does this mean for you?
As a therapeutically trained certified coach, due to the regulations of my licensure, I am obligated to keep my coaching business and my therapy practice separate. So, even though I am a licensed therapist, I am unable to bill insurance on behalf of my coaching clients.
The benefit of this is that clients can work with me from any state, even if you are traveling, and we are not limited by the restrictions and unpredictability that can come with working under insurance policies. The cost of services is clear cut, there are no surprises, and we can create a working relationship that works for us as opposed to trying to fit it into what the insurance policy decides.
Conclusion:
It can be overwhelming considering your options when you are looking for help as a stepmom. Here is a summary:
Licensed Therapist-
They have formal training, and they are state-regulated.
They can only provide services within the state(s) they are licensed.
They may or may not have experience working with the nuances of stepfamilies.
If your insurance accepts mental health & it is medically warranted, a therapist can bill through insurance. This sometimes can be unpredictable.
Generally, focus is mental health and emotional functioning
Coach-
They may or may not have formal training.
They are unregulated.
They often are stepmoms themselves.
They are cash pay- which is straightforward.
Have more flexibility than licensed therapists who are limited by the regulations of their state and license.
Generally, focus is forward action towards goals.
Therapeutically Trained Certified Coach-
They have formal training and, although not state-regulated, will follow similar guidelines.
They can provide services across state lines...
They often are stepmoms themselves.
They are cash pay- which is straightforward.
Have more flexibility as a coach than as a licensed therapist.
The balance between mental health/emotional functioning and solution-focused and goal-oriented.
Which do you think might be a good fit for you? Feel free to ask your questions in the comment section.
Christine Hurst is a therapist & certified stepmom coach. If you're struggling with feeling alone on your stepmomomming journey, join the stepmom community by visiting:
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